Joe Swamp has at short notice taken an unexpected vacation and so for today's issue his regular column has been replaced by an appeal from the local swamp authorities.

It turned out to be a protocol of a public meeting introducing the concept of decentralised wastewater management to local swamp stakeholders. Due to water damage, only the voice of the facilitator can be heard. However, it subsequently became very clear what might have occurred last week.

The authorities have therefore released a transcript of the tape and ask members of the research community to come forward if they recognise any of the events that it describes. The transcript is printed in full, below. Thank you for your cooperation.

Transcript: 8/8/01

Speaker: an unidentified researcher.

Audience: 6(?) members of the swamp reptile community.

"... 2... 3 ... 4.... is this working? Everything? Good right. Let's see who we have got here at the 1st Stakeholders' WAstewater Management Participation meeting... Joe? Hmm. Roger? Terence? George? Nancy? Beverley ... Thank you, thank you.

"Now, you might be wondering why I have come down here, bearing lots of bright yellow buckets for you all. Well, it's because you matter. You are stakeholders, stakeholders of the swamp's future,and the future is participative, decentralised wastewater management. The department could have just come down here and implemented a new wastewater management system of our own but we know that the chances of such a radical new management system succeeding are zero without your participation. You are what matters.

"So! Back to the buckets. What are they for, you ask. Well, I think the right way to approach this matter would be for you to tell ME what they should be for? Ok? Take your time...

[five minutes of plastic banging sounds are recorded]

"Now, folks, we need ideas ... Roger ... are you creating a new musical instrument? Or are you just hitting Beverley with your bucket ... yes I know the bucket makes a nice sound when it bounces off her horns, but Triceratops were made for better things, you know.

"Oh and George, just putting your bucket on your head and shouting "I'm safe, I'm safe" doesn't mean you have made yourself a useful defence system. I suppose that even your dinosaur brain has noticed by now that Terence is biting your ankles? Buckets on the head are no defence against determined rogue alligators.

"Is this the best you can all come up with? didn't you read the preparatory material I sent you last week? The 20 bound volumes full of insightful multi-media graphics? No? Well what was the point of me sending it to you then? Has anybody got any ideas TO DO WITH WASTEWATER TREATMENT that we can use these buckets for?

[pause]

"This is frustrating, don't you want to participate in your future? What? Joe? Your future is ok as it is? Well, let me tell you that it's lucky that we've thought things through for you all, and come up with a plan, because left to your own devices who knows what you might have done with these buckets...

"Now, our plan is for decentralising wastewater treatment in your swamp. What's decentralising mean? Well it means you, the stakeholder, participating and thus gaining control and choice as to the manner in which your own waste is treated in the community. It's about individual responsibility helping to improve sustainability.

"So now I'm going to tell you what to do.

"It's a truly bottom up method which, I have to say, is damn useful when we're dealing with human waste! What we're going to do first is urine separation. Urine is high in important nutrients and can be reused as a crop fertilizer, if it is not contaminated by faeces. So, buckets on the floor, everyone, squat down and ... urinate when ready ...

[various bestial grunts]

"Ok I know it's a difficult process to get used to especially if, like George, you are a Brontosaurus used to standing up and cocking a leg, but I honestly think you'll get used to it ... eventually. Especially when you turn the bucket the right way up, Beverley. It collects urine better that way, dear. Ok let's see what we have here in these buckets. Oh dear ...

"I admit there is something I forgot to mention ... one should always try to position the bucket ... yes, like Terence over there... so that it only collects the urine and nothing else. Roger, I'm afraid you're going to have to start all over again with your sample.

[the sound of running of water]

"Ok good, Roger, now, all we have to do now is wait a while ...

[tape switches off for unknown amount of time]

... and voila! Now we have perfect fertilizer![1]

"What should we do with it, folks? Any ideas? No? Well you put it on your vegetable patches. You don't have vegetable patches? You're all carnivores? Ok, then let's talk for the next five minutes about how you might be able to generate an economic market for your urine - let's make some money, folks!

"Sorry, what was the question? Why is "the Saint Raul session" a good idea? What on earth are you talking about? Who's Saint Raul? Oh, sorry I get confused sometimes by your quaint local languages. You said, why is "decentralisation" a good idea? Ah, well, the simple answer is self-organisation. You, the stakeholders, through decentralisation, self-organise to form a successful system for yourselves. Simple, huh?

"What, George, you're still confused? Well turn to page 200 of the second volume of the preparatory material I sent you. There, you will see a presentation of the results of, dare I say it, an insightfully coloured artifical life simulation model of the process of self-organisation. We've specified the model to test the yellow bucket decentralisation scenario and I think you'll all agree that the way the yellow and green blobs weave and merge together until the word "Success" emerges, pretty much says it all. Of course, I appreciate that it is only a conceptual model of the management process, but it nevertheless provides core insights, don't you think?

"NO? Well the ten random stakeholders I asked yesterday outside the local supermarket certainly thought so ... I believe they were actors of some sort, so they would recognise a good looking model when they saw one.

"Ah Joe, I can see by the red flicker in your eyes that you have finally understood the benefit of this system ... The cup of my joy overflows - and so does your bucket... Steady on there, you're starting to swing that bucket quite wildly, you know ... Uh huh. You want a word with me in private?  Sure...

[movement]

"Oh ... ok, yeh, I'll just turn around just for a moment. What did you want me to look at?"

[Tape ends ... ]

1) A web site advertising Eco Toilet technology (16/08/01): "Urine is separated by the urinal part of the toilet pan. The urine is very rich in nitrogen, phosphorus and potassium and it is bacteria free. This perfect fertiliser [boldface added by author] could be collected separately (in a dark and cool tank) for later use in the garden. " Eco Toilets, New Zealand http://www.ecotoilets.co.nz/work.htm

© 2001, International Ecological Engineering Society, Wolhusen, Switzerland